I can’t be compatible with the most important person in my life. My heart breaks daily. With everything at stake, I can’t force myself. I used to in a very unhealthy way and I just can’t anymore. I need real. It’s just not. I am the bad guy for having the flaw that I need what i need and no matter how I express it, he doesn’t get it. It is not who he is. It has been a struggle for the whole time. Except, previously I prostituted myself and I deserve real love.