I can imagine that would feel discouraging and frustrating. There have been period of my life where I've been deeply depressed. The kind that doesn't go away. And its like experiencing everything through a negative filter - from what I felt to what I thought. Currently I teeter between ok and...not. My therapist said not to compare my depressed self to the person I am when I'm well, or, to anybody else. Maybe hearing that will help you too BethRags. In DBT we also learn about radical acceptance. Something I need to brush up on.