(( sunny )) you aren't pathetic! you're learning. you're becoming aware and that's where change begins.

I don't have answers because I struggle with these things too. Feeling allowed to be angry, feeling justified. I'm also afraid of the consequences of anger--that the other person will retaliate in some way physically or by abandoning the relationship, etc.

I think for me this will take a long time learn healthy anger. It hasn't been too long since I was convinced it is a normal healthy emotion that everyone experiences.

It is fine to say "I'm feeling angry because...." but I have a hard time imagining me getting to that point. Til then I suppose it turns inward and manifests itself in many ways.

Lots to learn! And we have great T's to guide us.