You're not pathetic! It does take practice, especially if we've learned other ways of doing/feeling! We have the capacity for these feelings and do feel them but associating them with when they're happening and then choosing how to behave, etc. is hard to learn!

If you're angry, you're angry. You can try to reason it away but as you've found, you can't do that; telling yourself to be more "reasonable" doesn't work :-) The feelings persist.

So, you're angry at your lawyer and your sister (presumably for 2 different things?). Pick one and decide what you want to do about it! Behavior is all choice, only feelings aren't/happen. The feeling happens to inform us what's going on with us and then we get to choose how to help ourselves feel better if we want.

First, acknowledge and associate the feeling you have with "anger". Nothing bursts into flame does it? LOL It's perfectly safe to feel that way, you won't self-combust (like your husband, LOL) setting the world on fire or punching someone out or yelling or screaming naked in the streets along the way because you feel this way will you?

Your lawyer said or did something that stepped on your toes/hurt you. Does s/he know? Sometimes, with reasonable people like lawyers tend to be, you can just say, "Hey, when you said/did X, I didn't like it because Y" and see what they say in reply. You may misunderstand why they said/did X and they may clarify it in a way that makes you glad they said/did X! They may have had no clue about your Y and be really sorry and glad to know about Y. Anger is supposed to be about communication. Someone steps on you toe and you say, "OUCH! You hurt me when you stepped on my toe just now!" It isn't about punishing the person for doing it or even about the other person at all; it's about communicating how you are feeling to the other person.

Most people/professionals especially, are reasonable and will respond in a good manner, apologize or explain why they did what they did or thank you for letting them know how you feel and promise to try and pay better attention to your toes in the future, etc. Lawyers, therapists, etc. but bosses and coworkers and people we spend more time with or who have some transference or projection thing going so we remind them of their sister or mother or girlfriend, etc. are going to do things and not be so "nice" about it like the guy on your team you couldn't stand and got rid of? He made you angry, that's why you got rid of him! That was good since you tried to work with him and tried all sorts of ways to get along but couldn't. It's your life, your team, getting rid of him in the end was the right decision and the correct action to take with your anger. You didn't challenge him to a duel or punch him out or yell at him or call him names, etc. That would have been an "incorrect" angry response (like your husband is fond of it sounds like).

Now your sister is a little harder. She and you have baggage together :-) You have a unique relationship and lots of built-in possibilities for problems. Still, starting with the calm (if it's possible for you) direct "You hurt me Y way when you did X" is not a bad idea. Give her a chance to respond well. I want to learn to always give the other person an opportunity to learn and grow and choose well for themselves! I want to be that kind of person. So, she could respond as the lawyer probably will and explain or acknowledge the hurt or open the line for further communications. Or, she could start yelling or calling you names or whatever her pattern has been with you in the past?

Ugly patterns of response should not be tolerated. Saying something like, "I'm sorry, I will not talk to you when you respond to me and my concerns in this manner" and closing the conversation is all you can do. Walk away, hang up the phone, cut it off. However, that then leaves you with your "problem" that has made you angry and no "partner" to help you fix it or communicate it to.

So, you have to figure out how to solve your "problem" (it's your stepped-on toe) in another way. Since this person tends to step on your toe and then blame it on you being a clumsy oaf who isn't watching where they're going :-) you might want to buy steel-toed shoes to wear when you are around this person? Or, you could limit your time around this person and watch their feet carefully so you know when they're going to try and step on yours? Or you can "train" them not to step on your feet by wearing neon shoes with spikes coming out of them that will pierce the bottom of their shoe if they step on yours or bring along Rocco and Smitty to stand behind you and look threatening so they'll be afraid to pull a stunt like that.

I would call your husband, tell him what you have to tell him and then, when he starts yelling, sweetly give him your little speech about not tolerating such behavior from him, tell him you are hanging up the phone (your action choice) and then do that. Do not tolerate his abuse! His anger is not your problem if he does not communicate it to you in a way you can "hear" and desire to respond to it! It's his choice how to respond to your information. He can be a grown up and ask questions to make sure he understands what you are saying correctly, he can let you know in a civilized fashion how he feels about what you tell him and why, etc. It's supposed to be about communication and yelling is not an effective means of communication for you! Don't partner with him when he yells. That's your choice of behavior. Disengage.