Lost my damn mind last night. I dunno what happened, maybe I was trying to escape from my midnight introspection. But when I finally went to my room at 2ish I totally freaked and couldn’t stop thinking about harming myself. I was afraid to leave the room because I knew there was my instrument of choice within reach. And I also knew that I really needed to take Xanax or I would never ever sleep. But I was also afraid to dispense it to myself. I just felt bad waking RS up so I finally called myself an idiot and internally yelled at myself to calm down a hundred times and then went to the bathroom, came back, and took the...slightly higher recommended dose of Xanax (but not even close to dangerous). Then I passed out from sheer exhaustion.

I woke up at 8am still like slurring my words from lack of sleep but I feel better now with some food in my stomach.

I gotta keep chillin today. It’s lazy Sunday and it’s going to be 90 some odd degrees so it’s a good day to just stay in and watch some movies. As long as I stay out of my bed and with my family I should be ok. Can’t get trapped in my mind again.