Oh, no worries about that.



I've read the article, I don't really understand it all though. If this acceptance thingy is like the acceptance phase in grieving (I'm sure you've heard of the grief phases), then I could understand but in that case it requires prior processing before you can get to acceptance phase. It is simply about acceptance of reality. Is that a different kind of acceptance?

(And in grieving too, you have some phases of not accepting things, first you are in denial, then you are angry or you are bargaining... or you can also switch the order of these phases)




I understand this post better, but to me it always just meant controlling emotion to be able to identify the issue properly and then do problem solving. For example in an argument with someone, not letting the drama emotions obscure things or take the argument off track, but staying on track to try and solve the issue in practice.

I understand that the type of acceptance with mindfulness isn't supposed to be about controlling emotion and identifying what's happening to problem solve. To me though, to be able to identify what's happening it definitely requires a kind of acceptance.

It's more like the stoic's acceptance though, because it's about emotional control, through recognising the emotions as getting in the way and then stoically accepting that to be able to control the emotions and then you are able to accept the situation as is because the emotions are no longer in the way and then you can solve the problem that you were reacting to (whether creatively or just simply rationally addressing the problem. For me it's usually just the latter).

I'll quote this about stoicism (after a quick google): "Being stoic is being calm and almost without any emotion. When you're stoic, you don't show what you're feeling and you also accept whatever is happening."

So I do utilise this myself when I can, whenever I notice that emotion is actually getting in the way like that. It does involve acceptance, both about the emotion getting in the way (and then you're able to control it), and about the situation itself "as is" so you can see and understand it clearly after you've removed the emotion obscuring it or messing it up.

Stoicism isn't simply repressing of emotion either, it's just a rational type of control over them, by doing rational emotion management. It does require the ability to access, quickly feel (without sinking in), recognise and identify enough of the emotion to manage it like that. It does not use ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts) but remains rational and purposeful about dealing with the emotions, accepting the emotion "as is", and then dealing with it like that. But it does not sit with the emotion either, just puts it under rational control.


I don't know how much that approach shares with mindfulness, in terms of the type of acceptance.



And yeah I can do that one personally except when it comes to the stuff I have the shutdown about. I do suspect that once I feel rationally prepared enough about the whole issue, I'll be able to do the "mindful" initiating to access emotion by feeling like I can reassure my own emotionality and that is where I thought I've used mindfulness sometimes, because it's nonjudgmental too, watching the internal experience, and not trying to rationally control anything about the emotion/feeling (yet, that comes later lol). It's just a reassurance that I am there for my own emotions and that I'll be able to feel and imagine them without getting totally disoriented. Because of the rational "container" built from my preparation, having tried to understand enough of the issue from my psychology readings, previous observations etc. And then I can do CBT and stuff like I described. I've actually tried last afternoon to do it more of it. It requires extra toughness too though if the emotions are strong.


Maybe I'll just end up having my own mix of stoicism, toughness and CBT with mindfulness, lol.



PS: I realise one thing. As you can see, I mention three ways of accepting reality - acceptance after grieving a loss, acceptance of reality in stoicism, and acceptance of the emotions and internal stuff, but all three seem to require some processing or preparation first, even the last one, even if that one seems similar to mindfulness in some way. What I don't understand is how in mindfulness you don't need any preparation. Or maybe you do. By practicing a lot of observing and principles of it first? I don't know.