I did end up harming myself yesterday but not dangerously so bc I couldn’t find what I needed. I still didn’t feel better so I took a hot shower and sat in there for awhile. I felt I little bit more in control, but I took my night meds at like 7:30 because I just needed to sleep so I wouldn’t feel the desperation and pain anymore. Fell asleep around 8pm, woke up with a start thinking it was morning at 10pm, bat thankfully RS told me it was still Sunday night. I slept hard straight through until my alarm went off. So about 12 hours of sleep. I guess I needed a reset.

Woke up to find the knife block in the kitchen gone though which I am a little peeved about bc RS did not tell me he was taking it and I get a little panicky when I don’t have access to things. Like almost when someone quits smoking and suddenly doesn’t have access to cigarettes “just in case”. I’m annoyed enough to have an “ill show him” attitude and go out and purchase more blades but I’m not really that petty.

I really do feel better though so maybe it won’t matter.