Hi guys and gals,
I haven't been feeling too great lately, but I'm doing my best despite that. I'm clean and sober for the longest I've ever been since I started using 7 years ago which has helped significantly along with taking my meds as prescribed. Things feel bad, yeah, but not as bad as they were last year. I'm having some relationship issues though. Over the past year I've been involved with two guys and a gal romantically (never at the same time ofc), but now none of them are talking to me so I'm angry and struggling. A previous therapist told me I have a strong "fear of abandonment" and normally I push people away before they can leave or something like that. I haven't thought too much about that until this past week and now I'm having thoughts of suicide and self harm because of this. I've tried discussing this pattern with my T, but she only cares about my ADLs, not drinking (I don't even have a drinking problem, I have an opiate problem), and my cats (one has cancer, but I don't need to discuss that in therapy).

My appetite's been poor. It's nearly 3pm and I haven't eaten anything unless you include a couple cups of herbal tea. Last couple week's I've been living off of carnation instant breakfasts. I'm also strugglinig with hypersomnia. Last night I went to bed at 8pm and I woke up today at 9am and it's been like that most nights. Of course my treatment team doesn't really care; I called a week ago saying I need extra therapy or a med change or something and they never got back to me.

But it's spring now. The bears are out, I see deer nearly every day now, the turtle crossed the road (an annual celebration of spring in my neck of the woods). 70F out right now. I already have sunburn, poison ivy, and have picked off many ticks. Oh, and I got my first covid shot last week. No side effects.

I'm feeling better right now. I'll probably tank in an hour as that's how it goes, but I'll go for my run and take things minute-by-minute.