I got SO ANGRY yesterday because my therapist from the program ratted me out to RS about the self harm. I was just so mad that she couldn’t leave well enough alone. I was agitated already so I think it just compounded things. She told me I’m to write TWENTY gratitude statements and positive affirmations for group today. I got pissed off at that too. I just felt like everyone was against me. Like they’re stopping me from doing what I want to, no NEED to do.

I’m wallowing in negative self talk is the problem. And they know that and THAT’s what pisses me off. These people see through everything and I’m not used to that.

RS told me that she’s not being a *****, she’s doing her job. I mean I know he’s right, I do. And the twenty gratitude/affirmation statements are a good idea.

I didn’t tell anyone about the paring knife I found which was a bad decision because now RS is at work and My son will be at school and scissors are one thing bc they don’t inflict much damage but a paring knife could be extremely dangerous. I’m getting all sorts of negative suicidal and self harm images. Like about as bad as I had last year. Worse even.

I wish I could see my regular therapist and participate in the group program at the same time. But my insurance won’t pay for both.