I’m sorry I’m posting so much.

I feel absolutely out of control with self injury. Usually I can just do it for one session and then I’m good for like 2-3 years. But it’s been 4 days and every single day. My thighs are all f—-ed up. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m punishing myself for all the horrible things I have perceived I have done in my life. But when the adult me stands back and looks objectively at the situation I know I can’t blame myself for everything I’ve ever done. But it’s so ingrained in me, this shame.

My therapist almost suggested a higher level of care but I cut her off before she could even finish her sentence. I just went rambling on about something unrelated. I think she saw how much I needed to just talk.

I did unfortunately harm with the paring knife out of panic that it would be taken away from me. But I already put it on RS’s nightstand because I know she will be calling him. I’ll just intervene before she even does.

I walked to school to pick my son up since it’s so nice out today. It was a half hour walk round trip so it was nice. I do feel refreshed now.