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May 25, 2021, 05:17 PM
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Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,406
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Quote:
Originally Posted by poshgirl
"I think we spend too much time assuming what someone else meant instead of just talking it out calmly to understand their viewpoint".
Seesaw, great comment! A former work colleague had a good way to explain the perils of assumption. "Assume - makes an *** of u and me". How true!
Who we are isn't always because of how we were brought up, although it can be a large contributing factor. There are plenty of other influences on our personalities, actions, beliefs. Often it's assumed (that word again) by family members that we will be exactly as they are in behaviour, ego, self esteem, negative outlook. Described as family traits. The positive ones are good to have, the negative can either be accepted or rejected. Alas, sometimes just calmly discussing another's viewpoint doesn't give positive results.
As we become adults, we often question unacceptable behaviours especially if they emanate from family, partner or a good friend. We may then have to make a difficult decision on which path to take. We are individuals, everyone else is taken.
I don't know why there are three *** in the above explanation of assume. It's meant to describe an animal similar to a donkey, often portrayed as being stupid.
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Thanks, poshgirl. I think it's really important to be able to openly and publicly discuss disagreement and resolve conflict. So many of us, including myself, grew up in trauma filled environments where there was zero transparency and people used "private discussion" as a way to abuse. Certainly there are times to discuss things privately, of cours, however that doesn't mean that all disagreement must be behind closed doors. Open discussion is more likely to breed open understanding and honesty.
I had a client who said numerous things to me privately then when we were in front of the board would say different things. At one point he actually breached ethical standards, and I decided it was time for these private discussions to be open discussions because he was abusing his position on the board. There are times when things need to be discussed openly and honestly, and I think those times are more often than not.
I hope I'm not on too much of a tangent. The title of the thread is Open Doors, lol.
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What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?
Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.
Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien
Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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