OH GOD!!! Now I know why my abuser yelled at me in the last flashback.
I don't usually share much, but I just HAVE to get this out because it is eating me up inside....

MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING HERE!!!! ABUSE DETAIL!!!!

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Here it goes *takes BIG deep breath*

He used to have me "kiss" his stomach. He would tell me to kiss further down.....I would go down further til I got to the top stretchy part of his underwear.

*deep breath*

Then when I got to that part, I would have to kiss him....with the underwear on....down....there. I tried, but the smell was so horrible....I just couldn't do it. I would get close and he would tell me "lower" and I was just sort of....frozen. When I couldn't go any further that is when I got yelled at "THEN GET THE HELL OUT AND GO TO BED".

I feel like I am going to be sick. I feel this just.....illness in my tummy right now.....

My little is so scared. She is hiding under the shelf....trying to get out of the light....must be in the dark.....it's safe there.

I know there is so much more in my mind and I am getting SO SCARED right now! I don't know what else is there, but it can't get worse, right? Someone please tell me it won't get worse. I don't care if you lie....I just need to hear it.....