Tough therapy session yesterday. My inability to relax and have fun = among the reasons why I'm still unable to recover from the burnout which fried my brain 2 years ago. Also doesn't help to have CPTSD and the company of depression and anxiety, sure.

Apt comic: Comic on Instagram

Learned my lesson, and also researched what's actually proper staffing, rostering appropriately, decent on-call compensation etc. Might not qualify to work IT in my fiancé's country though.

T pointed out I still drive myself really hard in various ways to do more and more. It's been tough to cut back on my unpaid work but my friend and my T are right: I have limited energy, and I need to spend my energy on what paid work I can do, and on recovering functioning.

I feel ashamed that I have to be taught "relaxation and recreation are important" in therapy, and have a discussion with T on why it's so hard and how I can validate and calm myself so I can then do my "homework" to play a videogame or varied other "enjoyable" tasks.