I went there searching bc i dont know im not feeling strong love but at the same time i like him when together, i want to kiss and cuddle and explore his life and interests, im curious about him. I get jealous from time to time, I worry when he doesnt reply soon. I dont treat him as the same level of friends or family members. He treats me right and with respect. I never cried over him like my exes.

I feel more like this:
than this:

Yet, I feel like im the culprit here. Bc i dont feel strong love. Affection, yes. Keep in mind that i have BPD, so me not feeling love could be because of that?
in august we will be 1 year together. I am 26, he is 27.

1) we met on dating app, we had a lot in common, mind blowing we had evertthing in common even we liked the same color or small things and sincronicities! we liked texting to each other, after 2 days we met.
I was the first that asked to meet, then during that evening he asked me to have a relationship. I didnt feel initial chemistry and when i saw him at first I felt like in my mind I imagined him different (different aspect for ex.) and I felt let down. End of that evening I said yes and we kissed but i didnt feel anything. But Im demisexual, keep this in mind, maybe it is important.

2)honeymoon phase: I dont feel this, i like him and feel affection and interest but i dont feel intense love. there are no reasons, he is not causing that.

3)no issues or even arguments between us. but we only see once a week bc of his job, and i want to see him more than that.

4) no arguments really, maybe a few at the start bc of my trust issues ( i got played by a guy that wanted a friends with benefits situation so i told my partner over and over that i didnt want a Fwb story,) but we both handled them well. But keep in mind, we only see once a week so....its easy not to fight. No fights. No arguments.
5) there are no issues. i want to see him more but its my fault bc i never said that to him. so he thinks im ok with that. I need to say this to him. I dont want to be seen as clingy.