we have been married 35 years. First time it occurred. She didn't give him up, she was caught. She had several opportunities to let him go but she wanted him. But she wanted the security I offer. Once caught, he left. But she has been insensitive and not remorseful. She seems to fit a pattern of narcissistic personality (covert). She is not empathic. I am/was a Therapist, a family attorney, and a pastor. I have always drawn hurting people towards me as I ma a gentle and compassionate soul. What I cant get over is her minimizing of the hurt it caused me. The guy she fell for was a big, tall, young Marine. I am neither of those things. We tried counseling twice, but she doesnt want to talk about the infidelity. She has a temper and if I get pulled in to discuss things, she has very little patience. For me, I understand why she was drawn to it---it made her feel 'alive'. I dont blame her for her choices but I am depressed, I am a romantic person by nature, and I want to believe in true love, but I cant trust her anymore. Even if it never happened again, I am really stuck. She has been a wonderful mother and wife to me for many years. She seems more angry that she was caught than what it did to my self-esteem and mental health. I crave affection but she doesnt 'do' affection; she is very sexual but the romance is destroyed for me. I feel taken for granted and devalued. I wonder if there is someone out there who I would be bale to love and also be valued by. I feel like I need to see a counselor alone -