i thought about that... but i think my oldest son ... the one questioning if i was truthful or if i lied just to keep them from him will think i am hiding information... i just have to resolve that my relationship with them maybe over and if they truly believe i would be that cruel they don't know me... i didn't sleep too well last night... was flooded with flashbacks... one of my son curled up in a fetal position... which i wasn't even present when he did...i thought the truth set you free... lyn