Ahhh I'm writing poems but I don't know if they suck I think they're great but I'm afraid it's because I'm looking at it through hypomania tinted glasses. I'm going to edit the ones I have and start a blog. I'm also working on getting published in a journal and working on a book at the same time. I took the max dose of temazepam last night and sleept and I'm working on a lot of things, but I can't figure out where the stars belong. Do they look on us like kittens that can do no wrong? I need to hydrate because of lithium I picked up this morning and didn't listen to my therapist because I'm not supposed to drive but gotta get the lithium I could've gotten a ride or ran there. I'm losing my main insurance in a year, but I'll be on medicare by then.

I don't know what to tell my APRN when I talk to her (probably in a week or two). I was depressed as **** and wrote (and just edited) a sui note and had a plan and everything but now sometimes I feel awesome and sometimes I feel agitated and fighty and sometimes I want to rip my skin off and sometimes I want to take all the temazepam and sleep until it's better. Sometimes I hear fireworks instead of thoughts.

But mostly I think I'm just flying through space in a dimension where instead of matter there is emotion. My appointments with APRN are very rushed, usually 5 minutes if I say "good" after "how are you?" even if it's instinct. If I'm doing poorly I get 10 minutes and it's usually conflictual ("I want you to increase this med." "No, that'll make it worse from my previous experience with it!" "Well what about this med?" "I'm allergic to that med" "well if you don't want my help I don't see why you set up this appointment." Usually the gist of how it goes when meds need tinkering).

On Monday I have to call my doctor's office. My "poison ivy" isn't looking so much like poison ivy anymore and it stings and the skin is falling off like snow in an avalanche.

**** this was long, sorry. Hugs to all