trippinmickey – Only time and space can heal that wound, it would probably be easier if you picked one and gave it your all. I understand what you’re saying and I’m not blasting you for it. A life time ago I was on that fence myself. Even after I made my choice, when things would get hard I would wonder, would things be different if I’d made the other choice. But the truth is all relationships are hard, there’s no avoiding that. Oddly enough recent events in my life have made me reflect on my choice and I absolutely made the right decision. I realized that there is nothing left for the other man I am able to see with that wonderful hindsight that he wasn’t really that great of a guy, a heel in fact. I cannot tell you what decade I stopped wondering what if.

Given the information, frankly I don’t know who I’d pick. Your wife doesn’t sound like she was very supportive when you needed her the most. But if you and she have made a commitment to work those things out kudos, I really hope that it works out for you both!

Having a friendship with a former lover can really be hard on all people involved. Is the gf wondering/waiting to see if things work out with you and your wife? Is your wife wondering if you’re giving a half hearted effort because you have someone waiting in the wings? No one knows where they stand.

My husband has the patience of Job, and I am fortunate in that. I’ve often thought about how things would be different if the situations were reversed. And if I’m being honest, I would have given up on our relationship very quickly if I thought he was wondering about someone else. Double standard I KNOW, wrong I KNOW.

I wish you luck, friendship and happiness.