I'm getting better!! Family helped too!, the idea worked for a few days with them helping, I could do work in the late afternoon, early evening. Then the idea wasn't relevant anymore because I had to get big monster task finished. So I had to temporarily drop the goal with the daily schedule. However, I was handling the stress around that better than I used to with such tasks and delays. It didn't result in loss of sleep much, and I didn't get ANY unstable mood (in the past it would be acutely low first then by the time I got through the task, it would be too high mood and couldn't wind down to sleep). Also, I was staying with family since last September, but they left for a week and so I had to go back to my own apartment 3 days ago. And by then I finished most of big monster task, that was a boost too, but being back in my own place (much nicer than family apartment, because in the latter place I only have one room for me and it's not renovated), it was another nice boost, with summer finally starting too. So the day I moved back, I went in the morning and I was able to work throughout the day. And next day too and next day (that was today that's just ended, it's night here now). That's been awesome because I did not have that ability before. Especially NOT when living alone. I was concerned that if I go back to live alone, I'll get to feel low more, and less chance to work during the day but it turned out the opposite way so far. It helps that I go out every day to eat and then do some work there too. So the day schedule looks pretty normal for now. The last time it was normal....it was so long ago I don't remember. Two decades ago lol.

...I also work hard on staying engaged, not disconnected. I had a few hours of being shut down the previous evening (1 day ago). But I recovered from it OK by reminding myself how I'm proud of how well the day went until the evening. I think I really expected too much from myself for the condition I've been in. It helps recognising that yeah. But also bad past, trauma memories, "triggers", bad interactions with people, other stuff wants to pull me low but I'm practicing instantly telling myself how all that's just bull**** that does not mean anything. And pulling myself up again, telling myself that even if right now I'm just alone in this place I'll find a way in future around it. I was not able to tell myself that before, but I worked through so much, processing a lot, CBT-like techniques, etc etc., so I don't have to reason through it again and again, I have confidence in the conclusions, so I can just tell myself the conclusion, e.g. that I'll sort out the future, etc. I also always make sure I know what I'm going to do, what things there are for me to do, to keep active. My vitality and energy is really coming back. Practicing a lot there still.