It all started over something that made me feel like a burden. (I don't actually remember what that was). So she supported me with a phone call one night. It was super helpful. So I sent her an email afterwards asking for a little bit extra support to help me get through the next day. I told her anything will do. She writes me back at 11am the next day that yes she'll do that sometime before 7pm. I wrote her back telling her that I was asking for support to get through the day, not at the end of the day. From there, everything is blurry. I wanted her to call, she said she would call, she didn't call, I told her I was unsafe so she was supposed to call, but again didn't call. It was a f'ing mess.

The "rules" were a call is usually answered with a call, and an email with an email. But there are some exceptions. Twice a call was answered with an email because she wasn't able to talk, but could respond via email. Now emails are sometimes answered with a call: if I ask for a call, if emails are getting too confusing, if she can talk but not write, or if I express that I'm unsafe. Complicated, I know. But it's worked for 2 years until now. Now she says she won't call unless I call or say in an email I want a call.

So this week when I was struggling and confused, I wanted a call, but couldn't get myself to ask for it. I did, however, say I was unsafe. She didn't call...

We have now had 4 sessions this week, and we're still not resolved. She's been defensive and explaining things away. She's been more logical than meeting me emotionally where I'm at. She made me feel guilty for asking for the email support because her responding made her 5 mins late for another client. And I feel she attacked me for the Borderline by saying this confusion was due to my black and white thinking.

How do you survive something like this? Where you need your T's support, but she is the one that's hurting you?