I'm sorry you're dealing with this. It's complete unneeded torture that you're going through. You're not drug seeking at all - I'm on a stimulant and I get dissociative (Depersonalization/derealization) psychedelic flashback panic attacks and rarely needed a 1-3 benzos to kill the episodes. These have been happening for 4-5 years and have nothing to do with the stimulant - Completely unrelated.

Last year was particularly bad and I was taking alprazolam that I bought online because I wanted to be in control in case my doctor stopped prescribing lorazepam - I told him this and I mentioned diazepam to taper so he did. I was also prescribed 5x temazepam to help me sleep if the zopiclone didn't work. I then successfully tapered off.

Eventually I was hospitalized because I was too dissociated in the summer of 2020 and the unfamiliarity caused a severe panic attack which lasted for 5 hours and stopped by diazepam and 5mg of olanzepine. They wanted to put me on 0.5mg of clonazepam twice a day but I saw the emergency psychiatrist and he prescribed 10mg olanzepine which stopped the dissociation (Thus, stopping the panic attacks). I only now take a 0.25mg clonazepam once a week or so if I have a hard time sleeping. I still take the stimulant - I was prescribed a sleep med because I had insomnia and anxiety even when I wasn't on the stimulant. The panic attacks were complete ego deaths and horrible as they could get but I only had one in the past 6 months.

I don't think it's the drug users that caused a problem for non drug-seekers but instead the drug war itself. People should have the choice to use anything as long as they're educated about the risks or are supervised by a professional doctor. Regulations shouldn't be telling doctors what to do unless they aren't trained properly - That's the reasonable solution to the problem - Not punishing people that use (They're gonna use drug regardless of if they are illegal or not) - Especially punishing patients that aren't drug seekers.