Amyjay - You're right. I did survive it. You know how? I keep my promises. I've made 2 promises: stick to my safety plan and to have one more session to say goodbye/have closure. I've done both.

But I'm still struggling. I don't know how to forgive this especially when I feel she's trying to defend herself and blame me. She says it's not about blame, but making me feel guilty for making me a priority to sacrifice something, and to blame my Borderline feels like blame. Oh! And she's defending herself by saying she followed our "rules" and that she never answered an email with a call unless I asked.

I bet now she's going to change the "rules".

She says that she has never fought for me, pull me back, go after me, but that's not true either. There have been several times she has.

I know I'm stuck in emotional mind right now. I want this to be soothed, comforted, protected right now, but I have no one. I feel so alone in this.

Am I surviving, yes. And I'm hurting and suffering too.