I want to clarify two things. First, she is not a 24/7 T. She has made that very very clear. Two, if I reach out to L the night before, our deal is that she'll respond before noon or at least tell me when she can respond by if after noon. Which technically she did follow through with. And for that, I must give her grace. She said she was sick that morning otherwise she would have responded earlier. I didn't know this until after everything blew up, but still I must give her grace. I guess in order to keep to our agreement, she only had time to respond right at the start of another client's session. Again, I must give her grace for that.

Beyond that, no, I do not feel I should give her grace. I truly feel she wronged me. Being confusing about when to email and call, her misunderstanding me, giving me my space when I desperately need her, telling me about being sick and about her client without asking me if I want to know, using my Borderline diagnosis against me, not being more clear that she couldn't support me early in the day like I was requesting, not calling when she finally had the time and knew I felt unsafe, etc.

I wasn't asking for much from her. Maybe a sentence or two about encouragement or reassurance or something to help. I didn't understand why she had the time to reply at 11am, but not include anything supportive. It wasn't clear until after the fact.

L usually has good boundaries. I wouldn't say she has bad boundaries except for telling me about the other client. I don't think she's burnt out either. I honestly don't know what happened. I know she confused me and I confused her.

I thank you all for your perspectives. It's really helping me understand what happened for me, where I was hurt, and where I need to be forgiving. I've been having a really hard time holding onto both. L says it's like I'm a ping pong going back and forth between everything is bad and harmful to I must do whatever possible to not damage anything. At times, I blame myself for everything, and other times I can have anger at her, but am afraid of damaging the relationship.

I think the hardest part is that I need her to help me through this, but she's the one who caused the pain, and I'm scared of her.