now i know what i have. it ruined me ... AVPD. it is devastating when all my life, i knew my behavior was off. i told the therapists and psychiatrists. it is too late. life passed me by. friends left me not understanding my behavior and i had no clue either....and i did not participate in life in any way except for working it away and ending up with nothing in the end. sorry, i know this is depressing, but it is the truth. i do not want to die alone and am living in so much fear...and yet frozen....and not willing to take a chance to put myself out there because i have lived my entire life like this. but, now i am not working, and can't hide behind workaholism any longer. i am exposed and feeling extremely disconnected from earth.