I'm sorry you went though that. I can sort of relate because I stayed with a violent and abusive older sibling (I just wrote a long post about that) and how you might put up with it a long time because you think the behavior is not the person. For years, I was worried that people would see my sister's actions and think she was a bad person. By the time I realized that what she did really meant she was a bad person, I had gotten it to serious trouble by keeping her in my life. So I'm glad you did get out even though I feel bad for your girlfriend.

My sister and I both endured abuse as kids. I got the worst of it because my sister joined my stepfather in attacking me so the parents favored her. Even so, being abused is not an excuse for abusing other people. I have a sort of cold logic in dealing with my own past and not everyone can handle it the same way. I hope you can find a way to fully understand your situation so that you can avoid it in the future.

When the wrong people try to have relationships with me, a warning sign is that I find myself making excuses for things they said or did, telling myself they are not bad people and that I should give them a chance. Every time, it proved a mistake. You might be drawn to a specific type or be willing to put up with certain comments or actions. So it might be useful to think of what warning signs you had when you got into your last relationship.

I hope you find the support you need to move on to better relationships.