Quote:
Originally Posted by Amyjay
I understand that this is a massive deal to you. I have been through this before too. Your T also agrees that your trauma parts are reacting, and they deserve love, nurture, a voice, understanding, and curiosity.
This current situation is not a life or death situation.
Your trauma parts are reacting as though it is.
I say that completely without judgement. That is merely an observation of what is.
This is all information about what is happening for you now. Something happened in the current-day relationship with your T that *triggered* your trauma parts into responding as though the trauma was happening in the current day. Even now when you see her you still feel unsafe - even though she has repeatedly proven herself to be safe in the past. Because something she did in the current day mirrored a trauma of the past and triggered a full-on emotional trauma response.
There is no invalidation from me here. Your trauma is real. Your current day trauma responses are real. Your emotional suffering is very real. Your brain grew on trauma, and responds "on trauma". You are *living* trauma.
When the trauma response recedes your internal world will calm down and you will be able to *think* again. Right now your trauma responses are still in high gear and your *thinking* brain is offline.
This is life with a trauma brain.
It will calm down... it will get better.
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Thank you for this. I found it very validating.
L is a good T. Probably my best T. I think that's why it hurts so much and why the betrayal feels so big. I've put in 100% not only in my relationship with her, but in my therapy with her.
L says it will get better too. She used T's phrase "It's only temporary". She said first I have to take care of myself with rest, sleep, food, and pain meds for my knee. I've been doing that except for the pain meds.
I want to go back to how it was. I want to trust her again. I do not like this one bit.