Hi everyone. Haven't checked in in some time.

My back pain has gotten so much worse that I feel effectively disabled and this depresses me to no end (not clinical depression, or not yet, just upsets me an enormous amount). I'm still working, but because of all the standing I have to do, it enormously exacerbates the pain. On Friday I had to desperately get someone to relieve me, luckily she came before I officially broke down in tears because of the pain.

I. can't. not. work. I have to for financial reasons, of course, but it is also my passion, and to think that it is hurting me so much is more than I can bear.

I'm doing PT, but I've had neurological issues in conjunction with the pain, and it's all so bad that they've only given me one simple exercise to do, because they don't want to mess with me until I get the MRI, which is Tuesday morning.

Then I'll see if surgery could possibly resolve this, or at least after having seen a spine surgeon after the MRI, depending on the results. I want to be 'fixed', I want this all to go away, but I'm also terrified of surgery, especially the anesthesia; anesthesia is frankly very risky.

I also fear surgery, or the aftermath, affecting my mood. Would it, or the recovery period, trigger an episode? Most likely depression? Or something else? Will it trigger the other pain condition I have which is what happened when I had emergency cervical spine surgery?

I'm so scared... And so miserable. I just can't be disabled. I've got to take care of this, but am so terrified about how this might need to be fixed. And surgery doesn't even always resolve this; you can end up with continued chronic pain, just at a lower level, or continued sequela from the surgery itself.

Thanks for listening...