I don't feel you're derailing, Comrade! You're adding your experience.

Someone from my past said that you either grow together or you grow apart.

I think what keeps me fighting is that I still love L, and our history. Each session, we go over memories between us to try to remind my nervous system of our relationship. It does help. And my love for her doesn't just disappear because I feel she's wronged me.

Part of my fear is that maybe she is like ex-T. I KNOW she is not ex-T, and it's still feels similar. Like in an instant things changed. Rituals that I thought were stable have seemed to be flipped.

But do I want to let go of this relationship? What if this is just an error that can be resolved? I have to keep trying. The worst that could happen is that it is the similar to ex-T, right? And I still have T as backup (even though that's not what I want).