Quote:
Originally Posted by Molinit
The word "toxic" when it comes to labeling people no longer has any meaning. The word "narcissist" is also being overused into oblivion.
One thing I know is if you repeatedly have these people who take advantage of you (whom you label "toxic"), then there is something about YOU that attracts them to you.
If you are 80 and have had maybe a couple of people in your life like that, okay, that is chance. But when you have a series of people you describe as "toxic" in your life, whether they're friends, family or relationships, then you need to do some digging into YOU to keep that element out by learning how to identify and take action to keep them out of your life.
Throwing names/labels at people does nothing to solve the root problem. People cannot treat you badly unless you let them. They can't abuse you unless you let them. They can't take advantage of you unless you let them. When you are healthy, you don't attract these people and should one slip past the boundaries by being a little less obvious, you identify and remove them from your life much earlier. Just calling people toxic or narcissistic without you taking responsibility for how they got past your healthy boundaries to treat you badly or abuse you is a victim type of position. Get healthy and these people can't hurt you.
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Are you addressing me personally? You used "you", so I am not sure if you are speaking to me or to the general "you" meaning, the public.
I have been a victim of many abusers and toxic types of people including bullies. I am an extremely nice person to a fault. For most of my life, I have had a people pleasing nature and am very open and friendly, which has invited abusers and bullies to take advantage of my good nature and of my good heart. And I have been far too nice to most people and to many who don't deserve it, which has allowed me to be taken advantage of or abused But to sound blaming towards people who often fall victim to abusers and to toxic types of people such as bullies in my opinion is just plain wrong. Get healthy and people won't abuse you. I agree with this to an extent, and I am personally working on that in my own life. But your tone sounds very negative towards those who have bean abused and bullied repeatedly. As though it's their own fault. And that I disagree with. Again, there are toxic people everywhere. And the nicer people tend to be the victims of toxic people the most, and those who were abused in their childhoods, such as myself. But now, as a result, I am not as nice, open or friendly and I don't trust many people anymore. I have become far more cynical as a direct result of all the bullying and abuse I have experienced. It hardens and sobers a person right up. People who were abused in their childhoods tend to become the victim of abuse in adulthood. It's not the victim's fault for developing into someone who doesn't have strong boundaries or self esteem. It takes years to heal from abuse, and it can take years to develop strong boundaries and a wall so that people can no longer hurt you.