Hello Isaiah: This appears to be your first post. Welcome to MSF! I hope you find being here on the forums to be of benefit.

I'm sorry you had to endure being bullied. I know how difficult this can be because I was bullied both verbally and physically throughout high school by a gang of older boys. And, as a result, I know what it can do to a person. (I often had the types of thoughts you describe in your post.) Personally I don't believe I ever recovered entirely. Hopefully you have been able to overcome. My best wishes to you.