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eskielover · Jun 07, 2021, 05:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Molinit

People cannot treat you badly unless you let them. They can't abuse you unless you let them. They can't take advantage of you unless you let them. When you are healthy, you don't attract these people and should one slip past the boundaries by being a little less obvious, you identify and remove them from your life much earlier. Just calling people toxic or narcissistic without you taking responsibility for how they got past your healthy boundaries to treat you badly or abuse you is a victim type of position. Get healthy and these people can't hurt you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins

There is SO much wrong with this . . .

Actually it is not wrong for all people though it is for some. The one thing WRONG with the statement is that people can treat you bad. The only thing actually is that healthy people don't accept bad treatment while unhealthy people due to abuse or whatever, never learned how to counter it.

I am sure I encountered my share of bullies & "toxic" people growing up since my parents were really VERY dysfunctional....BUT the way I responded kept them from continuing to try & my mom never successfully made me feel bad for responding to some of the ways she tried to manipulate sympathy.

I am sure that the personalities we were born with along with the environment we live in contribute to how we deflect those kinds of people who touch out lives. Seriously, I fought hard against my now ex who thought he could control what I did. Simple ultimatum.....if you don't like the goals or plans I told you about before the wedding & gave you a chance to back out then....you can get the #@[[ out now. I don't play games with abusive people or even behaviors that could be construed that way by others. Always had boundaries but they have gotten more FIRM with age & good therapy.

Only reason I ended up staying in my bad marriage so long was because I got lost in my career & really just kept cleaning up the messes he made financially while I was handling my career. It was when that ended I finally got a good picture of just how bad it was but then was trapped in it financially while still fighting him like I always did