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I think labeling someone toxic can be seen in a few ways. When it comes to someone who has been abused multiple times and they are in a relationship with a manipulative person who abuses them then those people are toxic. I don’t think it matters if the person calling the other person toxic has been in abusive relationships their whole life or if they are a completely healthy person that somehow stumbled into a relationship with somebody who is toxic. It’s a very personal label in my opinion. At least when it comes to experience.
I think people who generally use the word toxic all over the place for anything that happens that is negative, is different than someone Who may have been in multiple abusive situations.
I struggle with the idea of people tolerating abuse and then other people saying they are allowing something to happen. A distinction has to be made as far as people that have been abused, and people that just seem to have no understanding of how to have healthy relationships.
Haven’t we all had that friend who constantly complains about everything? Work, school, personal relationships, romantic relationships: all they do is complain and talk about wanting to solve the problem yet somehow stay in those relationships or situation, not really wanting to change anything? In those rare circumstances I guess I would say that person sort of feeds off of the idea of toxic people. Sometimes these people will use the word toxic to rationalize unacceptable behavior.
But that has nothing to do with the many people who have legitimately been in abusive relationships. Or grown-up in a situation that has taught them that abuse is tolerable. That abuse is part of a romantic relationship. That abuse should be an acceptable form of relating to a partner.
I’m surprised at people who are saying that toxic people are more rare or maybe a result of the person calling them toxic. Don’t you think most people have had an experience with a toxic person? Or at least a person who is toxic and not necessarily abused you? Hasnt everyone experienced the person in the office who is a **** stirrer and stirs the pot in order to feed off the drama?
Maybe not I suppose but I think if there was some kind of scientific study done you would find that most people have had some kind of an experience like that.
I also think if there were some kind of scientific study done, you would find that there’s large swath of people that at one time or another have been in abusive relationships.
And if you were to dig deeper you may find that those who have been in at least one abusive relationship have grown up with abuse, experienced trauma, have PTSD or are in treatment for a mental health issue. That’s not to say that anyone with a mental health issue will always be in abusive relationships. I don’t want to imply that mental illness somehow makes you incapable of healthy relationships.
So I think the word toxic can apply in the general sense to a person that you have interacted with that behaves in a way that brings an air of negativity wherever they are.
At the same time I do struggle with the overuse of words such as toxic, narcissist, narcissism, etc. specifically when it comes to narcissism I think some people will just throw that term out without truly understanding what it is like to experience a relationship with a narcissist. To me it’s like everyone saying they are bipolar. Something happens with their moods or they get upset and then happy and they say they are bipolar or they say
“I’m so bipolar today “.
Ultimately what does it matter if someone uses the word toxic frequently in their life? It’s really not my business to judge whether they are genuinely in a relationship with a toxic person, or if it is somehow their fault for tolerating that behavior. It is not my business to judge an experience that somebody else has. I know I’ve judged people At one time or another and I regret that. Only because I try to use compassion and empathy when it comes to forming relationships or interacting in general with other people. So when the mirror turns and faces me and I realize that I have judged somebody, especially if it ends up being unfairly, I try to reevaluate my behavior and determine what it is about the other person that made me feel I had a right to judge their experiences.
A phrase or quote that I made up is this: “toxic people are like toxic waste- they both need to get dumped. “
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"I carried a watermelon?"
President of the no F's given society.
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