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Originally Posted by mssweatypalms
This might not be helpful but I just want to share what I've experienced for the first 3 years of my current job (teaching online). I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder for 4 years at that time. I remember waking up at 4:00 AM to prepare for my 6:00 AM work. It took quite some time for me to adjust and get used to the schedule. It was a matter of trial and error until things just became a routine.
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mssweatypalms
Thanks for your input. While reading your response, I realised that my biggest issue is that for me it is still too much fluctuation with my well-being. Because I think you were describing a stable routine, always doing the same stuff, always being able to rely on/reliably knowing how you know your warmup is always 2 hours or something like that. So that helped me realise that I'm not at all there for now.
But me, I still get pulled down a lot after a couple of good days. Then it takes time to go back up. If I was supposed to do things during such a downtime then of course that piles on stress too. So coming back up of course would take longer too.... Takes time to do all the stuff I got delayed with and of course it adds additional negative feelings on top of the rest (very dysregulated emotions too, I only lately started to be able to see them, I've started trying to deal with them).
Is this issue familiar to you?
Also.... some other issue I am not sure about. I've just restarted working on some harder tasks. I have work from several sources, I skipped a month working on harder stuff because I just couldn't do all of it. I needed the rest, or whatever. It did help.
It did help me figure out more on what works for me, for my well-being I mean. Because I felt more stable and whatever, too.
But I've restarted... and I instantly notice how I'm not able to do my exercise program (i.e. sports training). Because the stress just went up high. Because I was given a task with a short deadline and that task is of course harder anyway. I don't know what I'll be doing, because I really want to be able to do both work and training!! Thoughts?
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I can't exactly remember how I forced myself to do things at 4:00. Before that, I didn't have a job for 7 months, and had some financial difficulties. I guess at first I thought that I needed it badly for the money, so I'd do it no matter what. I was drained, had no social life, and didn't enjoy things because I couldn't even understand what was fun anymore.
I worked 5 hours in the morning and 5 hours in the evening. It was a struggle every day. Waking up at 4:00 was not easy, but I needed 2 hours to be fully awake. The quality of sleep I had was generally not good, so that somehow enabled me to wake up at that hour. It was like, "Am I awake or asleep? Oh, it's 4:00. Nothing matters more than getting up at 4:00."
I was not used to Seroquel at that time, so sometimes, I would black out for a few seconds during the lesson. I'd look drowsy whenever I saw my face on Skype. After the last class in the morning, I'd go straight to bed and sleep for 2 hours. When I woke up, I'd do my other job for the next 4 hours, then go back to teaching for another 4 hours at night. I'd normally sleep for 3-4 hours at night and it was awful.
Now, I've been doing the same job (and enjoying it) for 8 years. It was a very long process of getting used to doing things and sticking to a routine. My preparation in the morning now is only an hour long, and I can sleep for 7 hours.
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Reading this, especially the last few lines, is where I realised how peacefully stable the stuff is you are describing. Always knowing that you'll be able to just predictably warmup anyway even if it takes time. Feels like you being in a good environment too, with nice people. That is what helped me realise where my main issue is rightnow. Maybe just the medication though? I'm not on medication other than Xanax "as needed". I considered taking it last night but I fell back asleep okay.
PS: Maybe you directly working with people helped also? I'm not working with people directly.
