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Kiya said:
Here's the thing on that - they're connected.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Interesting, Kiya, I'm not sure that works for me, but I will consider it,as I am not being successful as I am. Could what you are suggesting be along the same lines of my T telling me to fake being angry? Like if I just think and say untrue things, like "I'm angry, I'm angry, I'm angry" and I say it enough, it will come true and I will actually feel angry? That approach seems unappealing to me. I want my thoughts and feelings to be in synch with each other, not in dissonance. My T has talked to me before about being authentic, bringing what I present to the world into harmony with my inner self. This fake approach does not seem authentic, so there seems to be some contradiction in what he is saying. Am I going to therapy to learn to be fake? Interestingly, before he explained the whole "fake anger" thing to me, he said "I don't usually do this, but let's try some CBT." That's my eclectic T, digging deeper in his toolbox, looking for whatever might help. I am willing to try the fake anger approach, but ever since he suggested it, I haven't had a chance with my H. And when I try to imagine myself doing it, it feels really dumb to me. Dumb and embarrassing.

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Mouse wrote:
Sunrise, I have the oppersite problem. Shy away from not being angry. I can be angry at a drop off a hat, but for some reason, forgiving someone is something I hold back from. I want too, but I just CANT, or WONT..if I let go my anger I may just fall apart.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Mouse, maybe you and I need to merge briefly and then split apart, each keeping some of the other's anger behavior. Seriously, it is indeed very scary to risk falling apart. I understand. There is an article on forgiveness I really like--maybe something in it may be helpful to you: To Forgive, Not Forget. And for me, it's not so much that I shy away from being angry, but I shy away from these painful feelings inside that result when someone treats me poorly. T says I should feel angry, express anger, etc. But instead I just feel really bad and do this painful thing inside of me and I shy away from that feeling and avoid situations that provoke it.

I wrote earlier that I was scared to call my husband because I was afraid he would be mad at me and I didn't want to feel that awful way. Well, I called him, and he was OK! I could tell he was a little mad, but he contained it and was civil. So I had this little success.