I am so utterly depressed today. I skipped out on the first group early and blamed it on internet issues when my therapist called to check on me. I was late to the rest of the groups and skipped out on the last one early too. But the last one I had to leave early anyway to pick my son up from school as he had a half day so whatever.

The lithium is doing absolutely nothing. The urges are still there, more intense than yesterday, and my mood is not stable in the slightest. I am desperate for something to make a dent in this depression so I can fully participate in group but I really think I’m SOL. The only two drugs that have ever helped are Emsam and seroquel XR. I don’t think the program dr will agree to mess with my meds again based on what happened last time.

I couldn’t even exercise today. I tried to go for a short walk this morning but I only made it to the end of the block before turning around. It is just so hot out. I have no motivation to do another YouTube workout. If I’d had time to go to the gym I think I could have done that but that’s not an option until Thursday.

At least I put my clothes from two weeks ago away. And cleaned up my side of the bedroom a little. I also sort of made dinner, I just dumped some pork and bbq sauce in the slow cooker. I added Dr Pepper and some onion/garlic powder to the pork too. I was gonna air fry some frozen fries but that just seems like too much so if my boys can do without then we’ll just have the pulled pork.