I'm trying to "ride the wave" of the urges. It's so hard. I keep visualizing what it would be like to self harm. I can feel the bite of the blade. I can see red. I know it would feel amazing to give into it. And then it would feel like crap. I don't want to start all the way over after making it to 500 days. I don't want to have to go to my family and friends and tell them I relapsed. I don't want to possibly end up back at the hospital. I have to get strong. I have to stay strong. I have to fight this!