This is another thing I also struggle with. It's almost like that part of the 'need' is that it has to come from ... whatever xT is for me. I think it might be part of the parental transference? Like, when there's this very special person to whom I gave all the trust I could muster ... and it might've been only normal, or even too little for her but it took a LOT out of me ... sure, some things I needed from her I went and found elswehere, but still ... she didn't ... and it shatters something way beyond where rational thoughs can reach, like my need was beneath her notice, or else I didn't deserve to have it fulfilled. OK, some of that was her actually ****ing up, but most of it was stuff that my 'reasonable' self says isn't too bad, she didn't mean it that way, stop obsessing over it. And I still (after over a year) didn't quite manage to get over her.