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Originally Posted by Brown Owl 2
L sounds awesome. I read your post about your rupture and it reminded me of my own ruptures with my former T, the content was different, but there were similarities, and the T intellectuallised rather than responding to the emotion I was feeling, and was also defensive. I think that if the T had expressed that she felt she had a part in our ruptures, it would have helped. Instead she gave clever interpretations of the root of my ‘problems’ that had caused the rupture.
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I can relate to bad conflict resolution too. That's what happened with ex-T. She got me so mixed up, that she had me believing that everything was my fault, that she knew best, I was always wrong or that it was all in my head. She would play these different mental word games like telling me that she didn't say xyz. It really tripped me up. One time H was there and witnessed it too. Another time I was actually able to catch her doing it. Boy was she pissed. She always tried to be so perfect and even laughed at me when I told her so. And she constantly was telling me that I needed more support: DBT group, any support group, hospitalization, crisis house, etc. She's the one who found me these forums.
L has been very different. Yes, I feel she got caught up in trying to preserve her ideals until she realized what she was actually doing. She has already apologized for two things that happened. We're working through it all slowly and thoughtfully. She is just human. She's going to make mistakes. What matters is that she owns and takes responsibility for those mistakes, and not just chalk it up to some excuse, look to blame something or someone else, or not take actions to try to prevent these things in the future.