Thank you. I agree sometimes you really need to go back and figure out the pieces of the puzzle, the big picture. I don't even call that ruminating.... In my case they lied too much to me and gaslighted me so I had to go back and piece things together.

I'm glad if you don't feel you are fooled anymore thinking it's great relationships. That's similar to my case as far as that. But yeah, I'm not able to try and reconnect with them, they weren't family members though.

I've just processed some more and I feel a LOT lighter. I've just seen how this person manipulated me even more than I thought. How they deflected and weaved lies and I bought some of it so fast back then. It really really helps feel freer, that I see that now. It's sad, too. But I feel free from that now. I just have to process and *disengage* from the part too about how I thought it was good until they changed to this manipulative person. Maybe they always were manipulative like that towards people they didn't trust or people that they wanted to get stuff from. Maybe I saw a better side originally until it became like that with me too. Maybe they were manipulative originally too (tbh they were, with trying to get help from me, they didn't fully respect my boundaries right from the start...but it wasn't dark manipulations like later). But I just want to disengage after identifying this part too or whatever it is I need to realise about this issue.



PS: Is self-care defined in an individual way for everyone? I do feel like I'd like a lot more rest but I have to work but I know without work I'd have not been able to stay over the surface. Or that's how it feels. But it also adds a lot of stress and god knows how maintainable it really is.