How does one stop hating themselves when that's all they've ever known? To treat myself with compassion is so foreign to me. I keep thinking, if I hate myself enough, or beat myself up enough, then I will be "better". I guess this was learned as a child, but I am so sick of thinking/feeling like a child. I don't know how to not hate myself for being who I am, having all these immature parts, for not acting/feeling like an adult. It all makes me feel so ashamed. I go to therapy and I just end up confused, nothing seems to make sense. I don't have a clue how to like myself, much less love myself. I just don't think I'm worth it. I could write pages on why I deserve to be hurt, even killed. How do I find compassion for me, without hating the part that tries to be compassionate because she doesn't deserve it?
OK, now I realize that this doesn't even make sense, but this is how my brain works. Let's just call it a rant, sorry.