I skimmed my earlier posts in this thread. Well, gonna respond to my own old post to show progress.
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Originally Posted by Alive99
But say they have that basic empathy and accommodate for my disability thingy, they'll still have to be able to deal with my triggers too. Like if I have energy and then I try to get to do things too quickly my emotional triggers will just come out anyway and then I will be like, I look angry or upset even if I don't say anything or attack anyone. It's not borderline PD, it's cPTSD but I don't even know of a rehabilitation centre for that here, paid or not, costing a fortune or not.
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Those triggers are a thing of the past.
I've got the anger under control, it's back to nearly normal anger. Same for upset etc. This is the result of a few years of work of course but yeah I've got some big steps forward with that. Now my world is stable, grounded. There can still be bad, negative emotions, negativity coming from other people but it's also normalised a lot, even if not fully (re-)calibrated yet.
So that part is fine, I would not have to worry about this part if I tried to go this outpatient programme at that hospital, as long as they allow me to do my own thing, i.e. do work in the hospital in the outpatient setting. While others do their own stuff like drawing or literature stuff, idk the things they do in these programmes. It's the kind of thing we have in these intensive outpatient programmes here. (There is no therapy with it, so by "intensive" I just mean the time investment, it's several hours a day every weekday.)
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And I did go for an interview once for an inpatient therapy setting. (The thingy where you go and stay for months in an inpatient setting and you have lots of group therapy and a bit of individual therapy.) And it was horrid, the interview. The clinical psychologist wasn't interested in showing empathy or making room for my disability (sorry long story as to what it is), or to consider how it could be accommodated and tried to tell me how it is when he's not the one with the disability, it was all really abusive. Anyway yeah so it turned out they wouldn't accommodate my issue in the inpatient setting so I had to skip the option. Maybe there is something in private health care for rehabilitation in a similar inpatient setting, I've seen things like that but they cost a fortune and I don't have a fortune for it lol god. Sure maybe if I somehow managed to pay a fortune - say I save up enough for this TOO, ugh - they would accommodate for my issue and then it would actually work but I dunno. I really don't. Because I haven't heard of a place that is specialised in that too tho it's not necessary to have specialisation, basic empathy would be enough imo.
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The issue with the accommodation for the disability issue, it's something I either can get lucky with or not. Or I can try and figure out how to get their cooperation more effectively. Problem is, people showed so many bad reactions in the past (them not being educated about my issue, I don't know, but it's usually psychologists that react bad, the average human in the street deals with it way better LOL weird enough) that it became its own trigger.... And now maybe I can control rage, and not be vulnerable to an actual trigger overall, but it means I can still be at risk for losing the flexibility/adaptability in thinking, in problem solving. That would mean I may have a blank mind, may not find a solution on the spot. Eh.
I've made steps to try and talk to people with the same disability though. I've contacted several people in the last few weeks. Maybe I can get tips from them.
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I understand it doesn't have to be all day though if the interaction is quality enough or something. But I don't really know what's quality enough like that. Or maybe it doesn't exist because my issues are just still too bad for that.
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Yeah, I still don't know what's a quality enough interaction emotionally. But it's okay because if I just enjoy the activity or whatever's done together, that's already enough for me (as far as, it providing a good positive atmosphere for processing without pain/extra negativity). As long as I'm not seeking a close relationship (close friendship or whatever). And I am not. For now, no no
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But again I just need to survive the next few days. Then I'll have a more manageable course I think. I just don't know yet how to survive it. THAT's my problem for now.
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Yeah. I survived it