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Originally Posted by WovenGalaxy
Alive99, oh I agree that whatever is going on in her head is not an excuse to treat someone poorly / give mixed messages. I've been on his end as well. Yes its very hurtful. The word "ethics" comes to mind. You're going to want to treat the people you are dating well, regardless of if you're serious about them, not, or confused somewhere in the middle. OP needs a direct coversation with her. In his post I could really sense that he likes her and that is really a hard thing to let go of. He may have to. Hopefully he will respond here though that's not always the case with new posters so we will see.
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Totally agree. I'm afraid too that he may have to let go of this, yeah. I mean I practically see it as the outcome, like with 99% chance.... And yes I sense it too that it's hard for OP because of the feelings
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She may be at an age where she "should" be considering his feelings. Should is often a word I'm wary of though.
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Hm, I think the "should" refers to idealism with how that is what would work and be most beneficial to everyone but in reality it won't necessarily happen/won't necessarily be done
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"sure, it is possible that this woman likes to fantasise too much and has er, lax/fuzzy boundaries with guys, and not think of consequences and is all over the place"
What do you mean by "fantasize too much"? What do you mean by "lax/ fuzzy boundaries with guys"? There is an air of judgment to your tone.
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By fantasising too much I meant how if she really doesn't think she's committed then whatever she talked about with OP about the future, and things like that, was too much fantasising pulling OP in emotionally too much. It's too much because OP is looking for a serious relationship and he even let her know about that multiple times.
And lax/fuzzy boundaries with guys refers to how she posts stuff like that sexy photo and then talks to guys in a flirty tone after posting such a thing, meanwhile she's supposedly dating OP. That to me is definitely fuzzy boundaries.
It also refers to how she says things like she's in love and has sex with OP but she is maybe not committed yet?!
And is part of the reason why I said OP should end this relationship because he's looking for a serious relationship where that just doesn't fit.
And yes, I've judged her behaviour because it's clearly damaging to OP. He's already worried and overthinking and is confused where a relationship really shouldn't be that way but it should instead be fulfilling, warm, and fostering trust and love and everything.