I feel a deep sense of guilt for complaining and yelling. Now I feel like crap and I feel like I don't care to reach out to anyone because why would they want to hear any more bad news from me. I just feel like disappearing and like escaping at a time like this. I try to stay calm but it seems like life is hell bent on making me upset. So I'm now having to distract myself with a book or something. I don't know why I'm writing this. I feel like a complaining mess and I'm forcing myself to find some solution to the problem instead of aggravating it more. It makes me wish my damned mind would be reasonable for once.