I was successful in finding a safety object! I found an extra soft unicorn pillow with the added benefit of being weighted. She’s perfect. I splurged on a nice perfume to spray on her as scents calm me down and ground me. I also found some scented thinking putty I can use when I’m super agitated. I’m already calmer laying with her. I don’t feel like ripping my skin off like I did all day.

I’m super tired today though because I took extra seroquel last night. I never heard my alarm. Thankfully my son was already up. Group was ok today, I talked about my mom and how upset she makes me. She hasn’t even asked how I am since I’ve been home. It’s almost like she’s mad at me for going back. GOD she makes me so mad! I don’t even want to see her stupid face right now. I think I’m going to take my son to school myself next week just so I don’t have to look at her.

Tomorrow is the bbq with my brother and his family. I am so excited! I haven’t seen them since January. I’m even going to force myself to make macaroni salad. I looked at the recipe and it’s only a few ingredients so I think I can handle it.

I want to find some way to track my food for the day WITHOUT tracking calories. I just want to see where I can make healthier choices. Tracking calories isn’t going to be good for me right now though. I feel like **** when I go over. I also put away the bathroom scale because I was just driving myself crazy. I don’t really want to lose weight at this point, I’ve got bigger fish to fry. I just want to get stronger and more physically fit. I need to have confidence in myself that I can defend myself. I bought small dumbbells today and found a short beginner strength training video on YouTube that I’m planning to try.