I have been for a while. I don't even have the energy to write this. None of my friends know bc they aren't the type of friends who...I mean, I could tell them I don't know why I haven't. They would probably care, at least.

I'm not working. Haven't, in 8 years. I'm looking for a job. I was looking for an apt, and a place called me bc an apt opened up, but it only made me realize I do not have the energy to move again.

I was taking a class, but I dropped it. Its too much right now with my job search.

I have been wondering WHY I'm depressed. Again. This has been ongoing throughout my life. Meds helped for a little while. I have allergies and they've been pretty bad lately. The heat gets to me, I'm ready for fall. Anyway, meds are not a perfect fix. I'm pretty sure this is biological as much as it is situational.

I have been going to the same place for therapy and meds for years. I'm not sure my therapist understands what I've been going through. I'm not sure she even really knows. Tho we talked about it here and there...she isn't warm and fuzzy. I'm going to have to tell her what I need. I'm toying with the idea of looking for someplace else.

I'm concerned. I'm looking into things like energy healing and God. I only get like this when I just don't know what else to do.

I used to love DBT. I still do, I just am so lost. I'm floundering and I forget to and how to use my skills.

I need to feel grounded. I don't.

I have been thinking, just words, would anyone really care if I was gone.

Throughout my whole life I've been hurt by people. So much. I need closeness so much. And its also not here. I don't have it. I haven't had it in so long.

My mother...I can't go to her for comfort anymore. She is not comforting or nurturing. Yet I go to her anyway, then get annoyed and angry and feel worse.

This isn't the way life is supposed to be.

I need help.