KLL I can really relate to all this. Really and truly. I think it’s probably a good idea to explore with your T how to proceed so that you’re not further traumatized.

In my experience/opinion anyone who thinks that the attachment itself will ultimately be healing AND has nothing more to say about what you’re going through should be regarded with great skepticism (not saying your T is doing this, but that many do). A therapist who centers themself and the therapeutic relationship as the primary method of healing painful attachment/transference, as though they will give you what you need (ersatz belated parenting) and that will one day be enough... is dangerous.

I think you want someone who puts the brakes on trauma work and spends the next while helping you beef up your distress tolerance/self-soothing and your support system. That could include DBT, meditation, neurofeedback, yoga, time with friends, meds, anything healthy that reliably helps you feel more competent to take care of the freaked out child parts. In my opinion it also helps to have other people to call upon, to learn how to build your support network if you don’t have a strong one, so that your T is one part of it, not the main or only part.

That work will be boring AF and you won’t want to do it. It’ll be nothing like the intense connection of talking about your feelings and difficult experiences. You might feel rejected, as though your normally empathic, engaged T isn’t interested in hearing your story. But work that’s a slog is sometimes harder than work that’s really challenging and engaging.

The attachment to the T can be healing of course, but it won’t exactly replace what we missed out on in childhood. Of course there’s a part that hates that so much and that clings to T with hope and desperation, yearning for them to give whatever we need. They give a crumb and that moment of being seen and accepted is overwhelmingly powerful. We sense there’s more where that came from and cling all the more tightly. The pursuit of something like love becomes a nightmare of shame and debasement.

T’s job is to help you acknowledge and soothe the freaked out child parts yourself. Their job isn’t to become the parent to those parts. The parts never go away, ideally you just get better and better at taking care of them. But you can’t figure that out if T is busy doing it for you.