I've been seeing a man, that I originally met about 7 years ago. At that time I was intrigued by him, there was something about him. We only dated a month and he just stopped responding to me. I kept his email, and he helped me through a bad time last year when I lost my place to live.
He gave me encouragement to get a job, advice, more like mentoring me and keeping me from being too depressed.

I really appreciated that he was willing to model for me (i am a hairstylist), and i couldn't find anyone else. He'd banter with me and made me laugh.
I think that's what I love the most, not many people get me laughing. My dad was dying and I was busy caregiving him, but the little texts I'd look forward to. He lives more than a hour from me, and he made the effort in late October last year to come see my Dad,

For the last 2 months, I've been repeating old behaviours. I'm driving to see him. I told myself that I wouldn't do that again. He's been very clear that this isn't a relationship or that I'm not his girlfriend. He says he doesn't believe in being in love anymore. But i was hoping that might change. He didn't do anything much to earn my respect, so I screwed up that part.

I know i need to let him decide if he wants to see me, and when, but I'm heading that direction today, so I feel like going by his place. But then I feel like a fool chasing after him. He's very smart, he's into politics and I'm not. He's mentioned gf's he's had before and it's always "she was smart as a whip"

I'm not stupid, but why am I having a hard time with just letting him go....He'll be retiring in another country next year, I want to have fun with him, but he doesn't take me out anywhere, I hinted that already It's just "someday".. oh just writing this makes me feel like I'm a fool. I don't need a man, I just want company and covid has made seeing people almost impossible.

Well I texted twice now, forget him. It's always on his terms. It's weird too, never on a weekend. I'll leave this anyways, I typed it all out. I'm getting old and acting too desperate. I've never met anyone like him, but so what. I'll go see my friend and try to have a good day.. I just wish this guy would get out of my head.