In the beginning my goal was to know who I am and why I am this way, to not want to die.

Then my goal was to change in to what I wanted to be, which doesn’t work because I just don’t know what I want and the world doesn’t sort of accommodate those feelings I have anyway, so it seems pointless to try and causes much suffering.

Now I have no idea what my goals are, but I feel like the therapists goals for me are to just not care anymore and let everything ‘be’ as it is. It seems very stupid to me, because it’s the same as just not caring. Why would you try or want to do anything if you didn’t care about the outcome? Like a leaf blowing around in the wind. As if he just lives his life not giving a **** about anything and seeing what happens....my experience of him is that he wants to control many things and their outcomes. I am a human being not a leaf.