I've written here before, here and there, about problems with my brother. He can be very cruel (and was to my mother before she passed) and has very very serious issues with controlling his explosive anger, with me and the rest of the family.

So my mother passed away in November. I was a hot mess, he was not. He organized the funeral and kind of all around took over, which was wonderful for me.

As some of you may know, after someone passes away, and especially if they leave a house, there is a great deal of work to do.

My brother told me, back in November, that he would take care of everything. I was elated about that.

The only thing I have done is, many months ago, I packed up much of the house. I told my brother at the time that I could not take the boxes to a charity (where she lives, I could not find any that picked up) because I could not lift the boxes and also have a small car. He said he would do it. He said he would renovate and sell the house and do everything else.

All this time, I had thought that he had been working on it, though I had my suspicions he was not, but I did not want to confront him.

So his wife had a baby a week ago, and yesterday he texts me and asks if I can take all of mom's paperwork from him and take over and get everything done. He said he wanted to be honest with me, "I have done exactly zero." "I had no free time this spring." But he's had since November!

So he tells me this RIGHT AFTER HIS FOURTH BABY IS BORN, in effect saying, well, now I REALLY don't have time, so you'll HAVE to take over. He waited to tell me until the baby was born on purpose. I'm furious. I'm beyond furious.

I'm going to his place today to see the baby and discuss my mom's stuff. I have planned to tell him that I will not do everything, maybe we can split the work in half. But I am also deathly afraid of his angry outbursts, so I am very very anxious.

I'm very anxious about telling him this, and very anxious at the prospect of doing all this stuff. I'm doing a lot of PT after work, sometimes I can barely move because of my back pain (for which I may need surgery soon), etc., etc.

I feel so awful, furious, scared, anxious-anxious-anxious.

Oh, and when I went to pack the house, I put all of her food from the fridge into bags. They had to be left in the house because the trash pick-up was no longer being paid for. I had thought my brother was going to take care of that, and had been checking in on the house, to get rid of the boxes, then for the renovations (that never happened), so he would have taken care of those bags of food a long time ago. But there they still sit. There will be maggots!!!! Whatever else happens, I am committed to go there next weekend, after having found a way to reinstate her trash pick-up, and clean it out. A friend is going with me. It's going to be a hellscape.

Thanks to anyone who has read this far. Please wish me luck?