As some as you know, my sister is dying of terminal breast cancer. She already exceeded the Dr.s expectation. She is 52 and the strongest person I know. Once she needed more help, my brother and I took turns staying with her. She had become very weak at that time. Along with Hospice Homecare we were able to get a 24 hr aide for the past 12 weeks. The grant that we had will run out next week. My sister lives in a lower income housing where there are a lot of disabled and older people. It is absolutely impossible for her to stay alone. She is left with only a few choices. Go to a nursing home facility, that will make her use up any and all of her savings and retirement funds.
Go to Hospice, but then she has to discontinue all treatment. The last is to come and stay with me, my husband and 3 girls.
The problem is that my father is not speaking to me at all and hates my husband. He has been labeled as narrcisistic, and is mean and very vengeful.
We have gone through this all of our lives, my sister, brother and I. If you don't side with him 100% all of the time, you are OUT. It has already been 6 months that he stopped talking to me.
My sister is worried that if she stays here that my father won't come to visit her. I told her there was no problem on my end and hospice told her we could work that out.
My father rarely sees her now. Maybe once every month or two.
She is upset with my husband because my father told her my husband is rude and an as-hole. My father accused him of being on drugs, which he is not, he is 100% clean. My father got me very upset the other day and for the first time my husband told him it was the last time he would ever upset me and our kids. He also told him to stay away from us because he didn't want my father to do to our children what he has done with my sister brother growing up. We were all so messed up. My sister and I have been going to therapy for 25 years because of the dysfuntional up bringing we had. My brother chose to drink until he hit rock bottom at 23yrs old. He has been sober for 23 yrs now. Now hhe just keeps his kids away from my father, always has. He also stays away from him for months at a time. So when my father wasn't talking to him, my father would come to my house and unload his issues, which he seems to have with everyone. The only reason he is speaking to my sister is because she is dying. At first he wasn't talking to her either.
For most of my sister's illness, and it has been 9 years now, I was the one who basically taken care of her. She is not sure where she will go, but I want her to come here so that I can take care of her all the way until the end. The problem she has, is worrying what my father will do or say and won't come here to see her.I love my sister so so much and want to care for her. I have no regrets with her, but I feel that I want to take care of her because it feels right to me. What is anyone's opinion about all of this? Am I doing the right thing? How do I solve the problem with my father?
Thank you all for reading this very indepth story. Good thing I shortened it.
Thanks Nina.